How I know technology has taken over my world!

Grunty teen texted me from his bedroom asking if I could put a piece of toast on for him so he could have an extra three minutes sleep. I was texting out a furious reply when I realized what I was doing. I was texting! What’s happened to me? (therapy and medication are helping, somewhat). I yelled at him to get his sorry butt into the kitchen and make his own toast!

Instead of phoning a friend on her birthday, I wished her happiness on Facebook, sent an email and thought back to when me and Fred Flintstone grew up, and there wasn’t the technology around today. I miss hearing human voices who aren’t trying to convince me I owe the IRS millions and a bailiff is coming to my house (bring it). Someone wanting to sell me solar. I phoned my friend, and we chatted for ages. Dissed our kids, complained about our husbands and lamented the fact we haven’t won Powerball. We laughed, smiled and hung up with a promise to keep phoning. All without an emoji in sight.

A beautiful handwritten Christmas card landing in my mailbox instead of an electronic one. I too have been guilty of this. But the line at the Post Office will be huge? I’ll have to get out of sweats and look somewhat decent and go into a shop, so people don’t turn to stone when they see me. Medusa and I are quite tight, just quietly. A Christmas card with thoughts from across the miles landed in my mailbox, and the delight of opening it, checking out the Snoopy stamp, reading the heartfelt message means I’m returning the favor to everyone. I am showered, there are no visible snakes in my hair, and I’m off to the post office. If I’m not back in a week send a search party, please. 

Who's Clueless now?

It has been a while between posts. Clueless Wonder Two is here and wanted to shop! I'm all up for Clueless Two to not look like the child who sleeps under the pier. Shopping with a grunty teenager when you don't speak grunt is 'frustrating.'

` The fake Gordon Ramsay and I swanned in this week after date night and stopped inside the front door. Backstory - it has been sweltering here in Southern California.

Me: "Has the house been possessed?" Gordon: "Not sure." Me: Looks around nervously. "Should we call a priest?" Gordon: "Do they make house calls?" Me: Stares at the icicles forming on the windows. "They did in the movie, and that's always a reliable source."

Clueless Two then informed us we have air conditioning. We've lived here a year! Talk about who is Clueless. I thought it was the non-working security alarm. Right, I'm off to see if there's a hidden hot tub in the back yard. The picture is of Clueless at Redondo wearing shorts without holes. Thank you, Nordstrom Rack.

What's in your drawers??

Today is Clueless Wonder's birthday!

Clueless when he was little in his fat, bat hat

Today I was supposed to be writing, but really all of the drawers in the bedroom had to be emptied the clothes folded with military precision. After the clothes, I really should Dr. Google how to concrete the driveway. Wandering the aisles at Staples for a hole punch I might need is on the horizon.
Hello, queen of procrastination!

During the drawer procrastination, I came across the fat, bat hat from the above photo. I adored that hat and thought Clueless looked quite jaunty wearing it.

Jaunty Hat

Nostalgia for days gone by creep up now and then. He's getting older and the days of skipping a couple of meals to lose a few pounds are way gone, if they ever existed. Eating only carrots and hummus for days, turning slightly orange and not losing anything is upon me.

Next week is green apple week. If you see a strange woman in the aisles of Staples muttering about the perfect hole punch while lugging a bag of apples, give her a small smile. She needs it.

Is there anything nostalgic you've kept?

I do promise to post why I call him Clueless Wonder.

How I overcame my fear of tomatoes

I'm a tomato and I rock. 

Bunch in tight people, this is a personal one.

 I loved tomatoes. Wait. I used to love tomatoes. Not a day would go by when I didn’t munch on the red blast of sunshine.

Fast forward to when my mum was in Critical Care, barely hanging on. She’d gone from feeling mildly unwell to hooked up to tubes in a matter of days. I asked the lovely doctor what could have happened.

“Could be something like a tomato pip that got stuck in her bowel.”

One tiny, tiny tomato seed could do that?

Whoa.

The strawberry vacherin I will never make

Tomatoes and I parted ways. Over the years I missed them, but, the old ‘what if…” hung in my brain. I couldn’t take the risk. I had children. I hadn’t cooked even one of the five thousand recipes I’d painstakingly cut out.  I had so much still to do.

Then one day, not long ago, I ate a cherry tomato. It was heaven. It was delicious. I’d been torturing myself and missing out because of ‘what if’.

What if has turned into ‘why worry about stuff that I have no control over’.

I could be felled by a tomato. I am more likely to get run over by a bus (I always look the wrong way – I blame my Kiwi roots.) The likelihood is the stress my children induce will bring me closer to hanging with my mum.

So, for me, no worrying about ‘what if’ instead I’m going to concentrate on ‘no more worrying about what I can’t control and have a blast while I’m here’.

Me and mum hanging with Skippy.

Today is National Ice Cream Sandwich Day

Today is national Ice Cream Sandwich Day, and I am rejoicing. Becuase I am not in 'whipping down to the shops' shape. (I think it is only fair I don't turn people into stone with my Medusa hair, stretchy pants, and my fav Buffalo Bills T-Shirt with holes.) I am making my own. I give you peanut butter cookies and banana ice cream. Do you have a fav flavor?

I bring you the Fake Gordon Ramsay's balls!

Last night the Fake Gordon Ramsay and I had this conversation. (Gordo is looking remarkably tanned after a 'tough' trip to Honolulu. Note to self: Check out jobs in the scintillating world of freight.

Fake Gordon: "Doll, fancy my balls tonight for dinner?"

Me: Looks up in despair from editing porny manuscript that Larry Flynt might be interested in.
"What?"

Fake Gordon: My balls tonight what do you think?"

Me: Thinking - do I go there?

Fake Gordon: They're pretty juicy."

Me: "Help me sweet baby Jesus."

I bring you coconut laksa with corinader fish balls.

Book News!

After seventy-four years Bound to the Bounty Hunter is Available here. 

Read first three chapters. Click here.

Check it out on Goodreads

Book news! Cover Reveal

I am very, as in (VERY) excited to reveal the cover of my July 18th release with Entangled Publishing - Bound to the Bounty Hunter.

Where alpha males meet their match.

Harlan Franco, Colorado's busiest bounty hunter and security expert, lives by his own rules: be in control, be detached, and never mix business with pleasure. These rules are tested when the woman he's being paid to secretly guard is none other than the sexy, unpredictable, pain in the butt, Sophie Callaghan––a woman determined to stay away from him. If Sophie finds out he’s in her life on an assignment, he'll never get the info he needs. But those lips, those curves, that attitude… If he could only have her for one night where she'd play by his rules.

Freedom-loving private investigator Sophie Callaghan is on a mission. The daughter of a con-artist is not going to be used by a man again. What she doesn't need is hot, broody, and controlling Harlan barging into her life. Her brain may say no, but her body craves this bad boy.

After a night where both live out their darkest desires, Sophie tries to fight the explosive chemistry between them. But the ties that bind her heart to this bounty hunter are tight and tangled.

Nature Challenge LA style!

Nature challenge LA style. On Saturday in blistering heat, in the middle of the day, Head of the Clueless Wonders Tribe (me), bitched and complained my way to the top of the Hollywood sign.

It took two hours round trip and shortened my life by three years. The views were great. Fake Gordon Ramsay decided he is now the fake Edmond Hillary and is planning more hikes. I'll go if there's wine, a misting cabana bagels smothered in cream cheese, smoked salmon and capers (my go to bagel). Anyone want to come?

Lets make today 'hug your chicken' day

That's it! What the world needs every day is a hug from a chicken. I know I do and I'm off to find me a chicken.

 What do you need everyday? 

Four things you need to know.

My awesome friend Michelle tagged me and I thought this would make a fun post. 

Let's see what we can learn about each other curious to read other peoples' (if they fill it out).

Auckland - my home town

Four names I go by:
1. Hayson
2. Hay
3. Yo, Mom where'd you hide my shoes?
4. Roman Sandals Footwear (long story best told with wine)

Four places I've lived:
1. Auckland, New Zealand
2. Sydney, Australia

Savusavu, Fiji

3. London, UK
4. Redondo Beach, CA

Four things I love to watch on TV:
1. Deadliest Catch. Never missed a single episode.
2. Thee Young and the Restless Newman or Abbot?
3. Survivor - love Jeff Probst. My cracky addiction.
4. Game of Thrones Game of Thrones Enthralls me and kills me at the same time

Four places I have visited:
1. Cairo, Egypt
2. Upper Slaughter, UK, solely for the name. It was gorgeous
3. Fiji
4. Malaysia

Four Things I love to eat:

1. Margarita pizza (clearly eat a lot)
2. Handfuls of smoked almonds
3. Marmite on hot buttered toast.
4. Feijoas (a New Zealand fruit. Yum)

Feijoa. Yummmmmm

People I think will respond and hopefully be fun.
1. I'm not a tagger, but if people would love to respond then cool! I'd love to read about you as well.




Favorite drinks:

1. A skinny flat white coffee, hold the sugar
2. A crisp Sauvignon Blanc
3. Coke Zero
4. Margarita, lots of salt and lime.

Genesis

Four Pets names growing up:
1. Genesis - horse
2. Muff Moh - cat
3. Bleebs - dog
4. Chevy - horse

I'd love to know something about you. 

Day seven of the nature challenge and we're...

Day seven of the nature challenge and we're everywhere!

It's the last day and I'm a little sad. It has been fun to go through photos that trigger great and poignant memories.

The first photo is an orange from a friends tree. I can just hear that orange screaming 'eat the lemons'

Eat the lemons!

Me on Genesis. A feat of nature really - me on a horse

A tiny coastal town - Bland Bay in New Zealand where I spent every summer. It's gorgeous and still has the same twelve people living there.

We drove for hours through freezing fog. It was all druidy. I think I might have chanted

Clueless One and Two who have forbidden me to post photos of them, but I snuck this one in 

 I have loved doing this. I might slip some new ones in. What do you think?

Day six of the nature challenge and we're in...

Day six of the nature challenge and we're in Australia!

Pass me some Vegemite, I'll crack a Toohey's and we can swoon over the All Blacks performing a haka.... I may have lived in Australia, but I'm a kiwi girl at heart and yes us Kiwi's did invent the pavlova. Check out the last pic).

Who knew cliffs could be dangerous

The second is a little guy who came and hung with me while I worked outside. He was rewarded with the gift of a plum.

The third is Sydney's Bondi Beach. Sadly, the lifeguards had caught onto my act of pretending to drown so they could perform mouth to mouth.

Cairns where a fool of a man does a fool man thing. Clueless Wonder One thought it would be the coolest job ever. Cue lots of scowling at the fool of a man.

Sunset at Clovelly Beach in Sydney

Bondi to Coogee walk. Who knew a cliff could be dangerous?

My kick ass pavlova

Day five of the nature challenge and we've hit...

Day five of the nature challenge and we are in the South Island of New Zealand. If you don't know where New Zealand is, head to Australia and hang a left. If you hit Antarctica, say hi to a penguin then back up a smidge.

The first picture is a lake. I know. Go figure. I should know the name of it, I absolutely should. I went there, but I have no idea.

The rest are of Kaikoura. Gorgeous part of the world where family hang. That's me hugging a pony or a mammoth.

Day four of the nature challenge and we're in...

Day four of the nature challenge and we've poodled off to Cairo.

  Such an amazing city. I thought we'd have to drive miles to catch the pyramids, nope, right there on the outskirts of the city.
 I can't believe we walked, scrambled hunched over through that tunnel until we reached the sarcophagus room. It was a long way in. Couldn't do it now!

Is there any monument or city that you want to see? 

Today we're in gorgeous Tonga!

Day three of the nature challenge and we're in Tonga! 

View from the lookout

Yes the fool on the bike is me

It is like stepping back in time to paradise. The island we were on had no electricity, no WiFi, no TV or radio. Perfect....If I never have to play Monopoly again it won't be too soon, just quietly.